And The Winner Is...

*parental guidance: the post in which there is some description and explanation.  Nothing graphic but if you don't know me that well and would like to keep it that way, know me that well and don't care to know any further or are not interested in the details, feel free to skim liberally.  These are things I wish I'd known before experiencing them and wish had been explained in more accurate light than I thought they were, so this post is for the full disclosure.

Check List
1. Genetic Incompatability - let's just call it that, it seems to cover a multitude.  Barring spontaneous issues we have determined our genes like each other.  Party!

2. Bad Blood - all of my blood is fine.

3. Hormone Crazy Town - see above.

4. Uterus of Doom - and the truth shall set you free!  Or freak you the heck out, it all depends on your spin...

On Monday I took my floating President's Day holiday to participate in a rather unpleasant Procedure.  At this point in the game all references to any Procedure will be capitalized to give due respect.  This recent One  was sufficiently horrific of it's own natural nature, the Potential Ones to Come don't sound any better, and so I shall take strides to not anger them further.  Procedures (said with awe and reverence).

So, by now you've gathered a Hysterosalpingogram isn't exactly a pleasant fun happy time, especially when my body is so uncooperative we had to do the worst, most painful part of the Procedure three times.  Three.  I have a fairly high pain threshold so having to struggle to not scream at the doctor to get out of my business and cease the torture was a pretty significant moment for me.  Important note: if your doctor suggests you take some Motrin before your appointment, don't be all stoic and "Oh, I'm used to cramps, I've got this", TAKE THE MOTRIN.  I am not sure it would have helped the specific pain I experienced in those awful 5 minutes that felt like a lifetime of trying to get the balloon to stay inflated to hold the catheter in place, but I certainly didn't do myself any favors.  My doctor, as well as the link above, indicated that the cramps experienced during the catheter placement would be tolerable and grossly downplayed the intensity of the experience.  I was not prepared.  Luckily once I had a moment to adjust to the placement the pain subsided considerably and I could calm down a bit.

All said and done, however, at least it was quick.  About 30 minutes start to finish and at least half of that was being hustled around, changing and running into a door (yup, I totally did.  With my face.  There's a bruise).  Lord love the women who were in there with me (my doctor, the radiologist and one or two nurses, I don't know if the second stayed) who weren't blind, could see how miserable I was and got the pictures taken in record time.  I heard my doctor's comment of "well, that explains a lot" and felt a strange surge of relief thinking whatever it was we finally had an answer.  I heard my doctor ask the radiologist if the hospital was equipped to do 3D Sonograms but no one seemed to know for sure. I don't know if everyone was triple booked or what, but the frantic run around pace didn't stop as people bustled back out of the room as quickly as I'd been bustled in. My doctor stayed and turned the screen to show me the live-time pictures of the confirmation we'd made that I have a bicornuate uterus (see also), at this point of unknown variety, hence the need for the Sonogram, then left with a promise to "call me soon".

When we first started out down the diagnostic path I was not ready to believe that my uterus was the problem.  I was sure my fix would be with some supplemental progesterone and in March we could give it another go, sure the third time would be our charm.  As we went further along I was more and more worried about having to face the issue that couldn't be fixed with pills.  Though right now I am incredibly relieved and thankful for my health as determined by extensive lab work, thankful to have an answer, but the staggering number of questions that have manifested is overwhelming.  For those of you who are gamer minded, it's like finishing a time consuming quest chain only to find at the end another 3 side-quests open up and you have no idea which one to start first (it's a stretch, go with it).

Where are we now?  Waiting and wondering.  Waiting for a call from my doctor who I think is trying to figure out how to get a 3D Sonogram scheduled so we know what flavor of bicornuate we're dealing with.  Wondering if the ultrasound will definitely give us the information we need or if there's a chance we will still have to do an MRI and if it's enough of a dice roll should we just go straight to the MRI even though it's more expensive because doing both would be the most expensive option of all.  Then what of that horn separation?  Is it thin enough to give a quick snip and release or is it a more substantial division that would need more substantial surgery and time to heal?  What are the risks of surgery and what kind of surgery are we talking about?  Is laparoscopy an option or will we need to do something open-abdominal?  Will I be bumped to the category of high risk pregnancy or just a high risk delivery?  Am I already in that category?  Will I come out of it?  Will surgery even be an option at all when it's said and done?  And even if we do a surgical correction will that REALLY fix the issue and increase our chance for success or are we wasting time trying when we really should be pursuing alternatives.  Am I ready to handle the possibility that I might not be able to carry our child?

Things just got heavy.

Thank goodness I married such a wonderful man who could find a silver lining: now that we know I have a two-horned uterus we understand why I get so evil every three weeks.

Humor doesn't erase the seriousness of big issues, but it sure helps a lot.  I've heard comments about my positive attitude through all of this, but I honestly couldn't imagine the alternative.  Without hope and humor an already crummy situation would be downright miserable and suffocating.  In the end things are going to happen as they will happen and all we can do is take each step along the way, praying for the best that is meant for us, whatever that might be.