Good Renovations!

We haven't had a lot of updates in these parts, mostly because we've been holding our breath...

Somewhere around the end of May/beginning of June Clif pulled his "you're glowing" line on me (what can I say, the guy is a pregnancy whisperer).  I thought he must be out of his mind as I was sure we had somehow managed to miss out on our perfect timing for the month of May.  Still in denial several days later I took a test anyway and was shocked at our amazing luck but found I didn't feel much in the way of happiness or excitement, just a slight worry at what was to come.

Since this would be the 3rd attempt at a 1st trimester in just over a year I was not particularly thrilled with the idea of slogging through the exhaustion, tenderness and nausea I'd become so familiar with only to worry about having yet another failure.  The first few weeks as my symptoms started to ramp were alright, laced with jokes of how we'd renovated baby's home and for the next nine months he/she better Love It then List It.  The humor was silly but it helped battle the edge of dread I felt like I was always fighting.

Week 6 through 8 were by far the hardest.  Right around week 6 I called the midwives to schedule our appointment, but told them I didn't want to come in until well after week 8 based on our previous experience, though I admitted I doubted my ability to make it that long without getting some bits of reassurance.  The midwives, being so wonderful, scheduled me to come in around week 10 but told me if at the end of June I couldn't stand it they would fit me in for a Peace of Mind visit to help take the edge off. I spent every single night, and many times a day, in prayer for faith, strength, peace, acceptance of whatever may happen and hope that things would be ok.  My anxieties were always there and any moment I didn't feel nauseous I fought not to panic about the possible worst case scenario.  Finally I decided I needed that peace of mind and saw the midwives at the very end of June.  They couldn't fit me in for a full appointment but were able to see us for an ultrasound, just to check on what was going on.  I held my breath, bracing for the news, until the technician told us we had a viable pregnancy that measured at 8 weeks, exactly what we were hoping for.  There was so much more to see than there had been before and the flickering heartbeat was even more reassuring after learning that having a heartbeat at 7 weeks or later dropped the chance of miscarriage to less than 10% (before we'd seen the heartbeat at 6 weeks, not knowing 7 was really the magic number).

That ultrasound was a HUGE factor in making me feel more comfortable, I'm thankful they gave me the option.  I was still worried but significantly less so than I'd been the two weeks before and glad to be sleeping easier at night.  I was even bold enough to feel ready for the nausea to go away, though it was my constant reminder that something good must be going on.  The raging hormones have also been a nice indicator.  Poor Clif, in the span of an hour he watched me go from feeling fine, to frustrated, to hysterical sobbing (over ice cream... /ashamed), to anger and back to fine.  I love his patience, humor and guts, especially when he told me that while only slightly sorry for it he found the mood swings rather entertaining.  I also love, and am so thankful for, how wonderfully he takes care of me.  I am truly blessed.

While we aren't out of the first trimester quite yet, we feel very reassured by the progress we have made.  Our last two tries were so much alike in the timing of their losses even getting to 8 weeks was a huge step, much less the just over 10 we are at now.  Our midwife reassured us she felt we were in a pretty safe spot and didn't see any particular reason we should keep from sharing our excitement.  Being able to share it has had a big impact on me finally feeling excited, eager, giddy and joyous about this pregnancy.  My nausea isn't bothering me as much today but I'm not spiraling into the depths of despair.  I'm happy and smiling and so ready for the next steps.  There is a part of me that is disappointed I didn't write a post for exactly how I was feeling between weeks 6 and 8 at the time, but on the other hand there isn't any reason to dwell on that negativity.  I'm glad that I can reflect on it now from a much more stable and happy place.

Fingers crossed tight and continuing to pray every night as we chunk along this journey.