As well documented in this blog, the pregnancies and birth
experiences for Flynn and Toby were challenging, at best. Particularly
their births, that turned out to be chaotic, stressful, substantially
less than pleasant. As Kai's due date neared, I became more and more
anxious about our scheduled c-section, in particular the thought of
having to endure the placement of another epidural.
In
an effort to try to have as much 'control' (HAHA!) over this delivery as
possible, I scheduled a date for a c-section 2 months ahead of her due
date. I wanted to pick a day during the week and get it on the books to
avoid another last-minute cram in an already established schedule and
risk getting a potentially less experienced anesthesiologist. This felt
like a great plan until 2 weeks before our date I learned at work that
our insurance was changing and I needed to move our scheduled section
ahead half a week to ensure I could be out of the hospital before the
end of November or be subject to two deductibles when the new plan
kicked in at the beginning of December. It was a tense couple of days as
we scrambled to change our plans, but we got it worked out.
Monday,
November 27th rolled around and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach
and light-headed with anxiety. I'd barely slept the night before, even
after taking a Unisom to help take the edge off, and just tried to focus
on breathing slowly to stay calm. For weeks my fear of the epidural had
been increasing, making multiple appearances during my OB appointments,
and now I was getting read to stare it down, knowing that it's success
or failure would dictate the entire birth experience for all of us.
It
was a busy morning on the Labor and Delivery floor, 4-5 other mothers
in labor had staff juggling and extended our check-in triage time. I
had started to feel a little bit better once I was in a bed and
monitored, but soon after a bolus of fluids and the mounting anxiety I
started to feel very unwell, chief complaint: lungs hurting as if I'd
been swimming for hours. It was bad enough I didn't want to go into the
surgery suite, I certainly didn't want to go in feeling sick and
worried something was wrong with me.
Waiting felt like
an eternity, but it was finally time to go back to the surgery suite. I
had to go alone with the nurse, Clif wouldn't be allowed back unless
the epidural was successful. I started to cry the moment I walked up to
the surgery doors, and kept crying all the way in, up on the table, and
as the amazing surgery team started talking me through the procedure.
They acknowledged that they had heard about my previous bad experience
and outlined a multi-step plan of attack to help ensure I wouldn't have
to be put under this time. The nurse who was placing the spinal told me
each step she planned to take (starting in one location, moving to a
different location if that didn't work, offering a mild sedative in my
IV to help me relax, calling in another person to attempt if she
couldn't get it placed), in addition to telling me very calmly every
single action she was taking through the process. It was very
comforting and the man who stood in front of me as my coach was calming
and reassuring.
The first entry point she tried in my
spine was a no-go. It felt like it was off to one side and was
painful. She told me to let her know if it hurt, but I stayed quiet for
a short time, thinking some pain was part of the process, until I let
her know it was painful. She stopped immediately, they administered
some sedative with my approval, and she moved to the second location
higher up on my spine. By this time my OB was in the suite with us and
coaching me right along with everyone else. He could see, and I could
feel, that the second location was going much better as I didn't have
the intense pain and didn't feel sensation on one side more than the
other. It seemed to be a very smooth entry and I continued crying, but
this time with relief. It worked and I could stay awake!
My
relief was short-lived. As the team got me positioned on the table I
started to feel terrible. Nauseated, light-headed, my vision graying in
pulse with the sudden headache that felt like it was going to explode
out of the front of my skull. The anesthesiologist had been by to see
me during check in and told me I might experience these symptoms as the
epidural would lower my blood pressure. He said if I felt like I was
going to be sick to just let someone know and they'd give me the IV meds
to bring my pressure back up as quickly as possible. It didn't help
that my BP had spiked to an uncomfortable height while the epidural was
placed, only to have it drop, then be chemically brought back up again.
I briefly wished I could go back to having the spinal placed over
feeling the effects of the BP roller coaster. Luckily the stabilizing
meds actually work as quickly as I was told they would.
As
the headache and graying vision subsided and I started to feel normal
again, Clif was brought in to join me. As soon as I saw him and
realized my dream for this delivery was happening, the tears started
again from feeling relieved and elated. Clif held my hand and told me
they'd already gotten started on my incision when he was brought in and
the delivery was well under way. In a matter of moments Kaileigh was
out and taken to be measured and weighed before they brought her back
for me to hold while they completed my procedure (including an elective
tubal ligation). I finally got to be the (almost) first to hold our
brand new baby and I was thrilled! I had felt so crummy all morning and
all of it melted away to joy and excitement.
I'm so
thankful we had such a fantastic medial team that cared so much and took
steps to help us have a more pleasant delivery experience. What a
magical moment!
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