Friday evening, January 31st Clif and I were joined by our dear friend, Shiva at Sweet Water restaurant for what we half-jokingly referred to as our Last Meal. I had crab cakes, fries, roasted brussels sprouts and mixed greens salad with goat cheese. Afterwards Clif drove me to the Birthing Inn check in for the night. After two failed attempts on each wrist an IV line was placed below my left elbow in preparation for the next day and Cervidil was given to prepare my body for induction in the morning. I opted for some Ambien to try to help me sleep, given I had pressure leg cuffs, a contraction and baby monitor strapped to my stomach, an IV line in one arm and blood pressure cuff on the other to try to deal with. I managed to get some sleep, unfortunately the discomfort of all of the necessary accessories overrode the medication. In addition trips to the bathroom while trying not to disturb the Cervidil were rather complicated and uncomfortable.
Clif had spent the night at home and came back early in the morning to bring me something for breakfast before they started Pitocin and I would need to switch to a clear liquid diet. My sister, Laura, and sister-in-law, Judi, arrived soon after and we began the Pitocin drip around 9:00 am. We did pretty well at first, I even managed to find a comfortable position sitting on a birthing ball, resting over the side of the bed. The biggest problem we had was it became almost impossible to keep a good monitor trace on Flynn in that position. We tried to walk a fine line between finding a productive, comfortable position for me and not losing track of how Flynn was doing which meant a lot of holding his monitor and constantly shifting it to try to get his readings.
The Pitocin dose was increased every half hour to try to get labor established. Contractions were coming so close together they were pretty much on top of each other and there didn't seem to be very much relief in the pain. By 1:00 pm I was back in bed and only 3 cm dilated. I was already feeling like I wouldn't be able to get through the entire labor without an epidural or wanting to give up. Laura, Judi and Clif kept coaching and comforting me, telling me I was doing great and that I could do it. I thought if I could just manage one contraction at a time, one minute at a time, I would get as far as I could. I was reluctant to get an epidural because I was afraid of stopping the little bit of progress I'd already made. I settled into a zone where I stayed as still as I could on my left side, eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, chanting to myself that I could make it through each wave of pain. At one point my coaches wondered if I'd fallen asleep but I was too far gone to respond.
Meanwhile we had my blood pressure to contend with. It was already high going into the induction but trying to manage the pain made it worse. I was given increasing doses of blood pressure medication through my IV to try to maintain some control over it but it seemed to be a losing battle. Soon Dr. Kula and our nurses started discussing an epidural in earnest to try to help me continue labor and avoid a c-section if my blood pressure got out of control. I was on the fence, still not ready to give in, hoping to make it at least to 5 cm before agreeing to one.
Around 3:00 pm I was 4 cm dilated, feeling really unsure of my ability to make it to the end and ready for any relief from the constant pain. My coaches had done an amazing job encouraging me and getting me this far but I could appreciate the concern of the medical staff. Since I really wanted to avoid the c-section I decided to give in to the epidural. As soon as I opened my mouth to tell my nurse I was ready, however, my water spontaneously broke. Later Laura and Judi would say they wished they'd had a camera to catch the expression on my face. I was a bit out of it but I could tell my eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Instead of asking for the epidural I announced I thought my water broke. I got help to get up one more time to go to the bathroom while everyone else shifted gears with the new development.
If I thought I'd been in pain before I was about to get a rude wake up call. Sensations intensified drastically and from the bathroom I yelled through the door that I was ready for the epidural as soon as humanly possible. It was gut wrenching to hear that they needed to check my platelet count before they could place it, to me it sounded like it would be an eternity before I could get some relief. I all but threw my arm in the nurse's face in desperation. Laura and Judi tried to talk me through the contractions as best as they could while Clif helped facilitate getting ready for the epidural, but everything was a blur.
I hadn't even noticed when Dr. Kula came in the room but she wanted to check our progress, I was relieved to hear we were at 7 cm dilated. By the time the platelet count came back and the anesthetist was ready to go I could barely get around the end of the bed to the other side between peaks of contractions. Judi and Laura had to leave the room leaving Clif to sit in front of me while the epidural was placed. The anesthetist asked if I had any questions, my only one was how long it would take to kick in. By this time my composure was next to non-existent and I made little effort to try to hide or control my discomfort. I flipped between high pitched keening and low, gutteral groaning, punctuated by a string of "ow, ow, ow"s while trying to sit perfectly still, waiting desperately for relief. It felt like an eternity but I started to relax in a matter of moments. Clif and my nurse had to help me lie back in bed and each moment I relaxed even more. The more I relaxed the less I cared about what she wanted to do to make sure Flynn was doing alright. We were still having a hard time getting a good read on Flynn's heart rate so Dr. Kula wanted to use an internal monitor that was more accurate to see how he was doing. I could tell fairly quickly that something wasn't quite right with what I heard, my worry confirmed a second later when Dr. Kula told me Flynn's heart rate had dropped to 60 bpm and that he needed to be delivered immediately via c-section. I managed a nod and an "ok", his well-being was by far the most important thing.
In a matter of seconds my room was full of medical staff and before I knew it I was being rolled in bed out of the room, Clif left behind in the chaotic aftermath. As we were wheeling into the surgical suite I still hadn't quite processed what was going on. It wasn't until I was on the surgical table, watching how quickly everyone worked to get me ready for section through the reflection of the surgical lights that it dawned on me that this was a legitimate emergency situation. They barely had time to swab my stomach before Dr. Kula was cutting and working handily to get Flynn out. I didn't feel any pain but the yanking and tugging was intense. Before I could blink the tugging stopped and Flynn was whisked to a table at the side of the room. I turned to look but couldn't see past the doctor and two nurses standing over him, blocking my view. I couldn't hear anything and remember thinking that something felt really wrong, feeling especially worried when one of the nurses looked up across the table at the nurse across from her with what I perceived to be a concerned expression. I paid no attention to the people working to close me up, which was easy since everyone seemed so quiet. I only cared about watching that table, tears streaming down my face, wondering why someone couldn't tell me what was going on. I kept up a desperate mantra of, "Dear Lord, please let him be alright".
Finally I heard a tiny sound, then a slightly larger one then a few cries that sounded like they had actual substance behind them. One of the nurses working on Flynn looked over at me, flashed a quick thumbs up and I think I took my first breath in several minutes. Nothing else going on in that room mattered after seeing that sign of reassurance that he was going to be ok. A nurse eventually brought him over to me, wrapped tightly in a blanket, and let me hold him with one arm against me chest for a minute so I could see him. I held him as long as I could at that angle before I had to give him back, worried my arm was going to fatigue. I had to wait several more minutes on the operating table for an x-ray technician to arrive to check me. We'd rushed into surgery so fast there hadn't been a chance to count the surgical pack before beginning so the x-rays were to make sure nothing was left behind inside. Eventually I was wheeled out of the suite to join Clif in his surgical attire who had been bonding with Flynn and we had our first moments together as a family.
I later learned:
-When I was taken out of the delivery room for section Clif was left behind in the room, alone, not knowing exactly what was going on. An off duty nurse who recognized him happened past and asked if he was ok, which he wasn't. She helped get an update on my situation and him get into the surgical suite to see me.
-When Flynn was delivered his Apgar score was 2 at one minute: he had color and a heart beat. They had to give almost 2 minutes of rescue breathing initially and at minute 5 his score was up to 8.
-When Dr. Kula checked me the last time as she was checking on Flynn I had dilated to 8-9 cm and we were almost ready to push.
-The thought is that Flynn's heart rate dropped so low because he may have grabbed a hold of his cord.
Flynn was delivered at 5:19 pm on Saturday, February 1st, 2014, weighing 5.13 lbs at delivery and measuring 19 inches long.
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