I've been suffering from the second child syndrome, the one where there are fewer pictures/posts of the new addition because life gets twice as crazy. Only 3 months late, but here's a much-needed information dump:
Some avid fans of the Divergent young adult novel trilogy might hear the name of the fourth member of our family and think we were one of them. While I have read, and enjoyed, the books, I did so well after we had our name chosen, so Toby sharing the name of one of the main characters (who's nickname happens to be Four) wasn't our inspiration, just coincidence. Clif and I have had a name chosen for a girl for most of the time we've been together, but boy names were much harder for us, so it figured we'd have two boys. Luckily Toby's name came much quicker and easier for us and suits him perfectly.
Even though my pregnancy with Toby was much smoother than with Flynn, at one of my last check-up appointments our OB, Dr. Foster, thought it would be a wise idea to go ahead and schedule a c-section to deliver Toby due to some elevated blood pressures. We were at full term and we wouldn't be taking any risks of my blood pressure going haywire and causing any real problems. The appointment was on a Thursday and by the time it was over we were scheduled to deliver that upcoming Sunday. I went in to work for a few hours Friday morning so I could wrap up my work for my maternity leave then returned home for a day and a half of bed rest.
Mom came to watch Flynn and Clif and I headed over to the Birthing Inn to check in before the sun came up on Sunday, September 27th. The L&D floor was fairly quiet, even more so since I was one of only two mothers who were scheduled for a section on a Sunday, a fairly uncommon occurrence. Judi arrived to keep us company and provide some greatly-appreciated moral support while we waited for things to get rolling and time to head to the surgical suite. I walked down the hall with the nurse to have the epidural placed, and once prepped on the table they would bring Clif back to join me. In theory...
The surgical staff was very friendly and kind, but I was not prepared for the horrific experience the next 20 minutes proved to be. In order to place the epidural, I was positioned sitting on the edge of the surgery table and directed to hunch forward as far as I could (difficult with a giant belly), and push my spine back towards the anesthesiologist. If you can't envision it just know that this is an awkward position to try to get into and hold BEFORE someone starts poking you with a giant hollow needle. As he rooted around in my spine trying to get placed he hit nerves that not only sent shooting, searing pain through my whole body, it make my hips twitch involuntarily and straighten, which in turn compromised the precise position I was supposed to sit in. I clutched the arms of the nurse in front of me, eventually unable to hold back my sobbing from the pain and discomfort. All I could think of was how badly I wanted it to be over, how I didn't know if I could sit still another second, how I knew I had to remain perfectly still... and then the anesthesiologist said he was going to try placing it again, which meant removing what he'd already tried and bracing to endure more agony. Finally they had me lay back on the table to finish prepping for surgery, but I could feel everything the everyone was doing. Could feel the cold anesthetic through the line in my back, the pin-prick tingling in my legs and feet, didn't notice any significant loss of feeling, and I was worried. They tested the epidural by poking me lightly with a sharp object and I felt it clearly, told them I felt like my legs were waking up after having been asleep. More anesthetics were administered, but I still felt the test pokes. Finally the anesthesiologist stood over my head and apologized that he would have to knock me out 'like last time'. All I could say was I wasn't knocked out last time, the epidural had worked, then started crying all over again knowing I wouldn't be able to have the one thing I had hoped for this time: the chance to hold Toby right at delivery. Certainly health and safety of him and myself was the most important factor, always, but I didn't get to hold Flynn at delivery, either, and I really wanted that immediate bonding experience. The anesthesiologist told me to take 5 deep breaths, the first 3 felt normal but the fourth tasted funny and I'm not even sure if I got the fifth one in before I was out cold.
I suddenly heard someone call my name and tell me 'he's here'. I fought against the dark fogginess, knowing who 'he' was and wanting so desperately to wake up and see him. I blinked my eyes fast and hard, trying to clear my head enough to focus. I was in the recovery room and Clif stood next to me holding Toby. I cried when I saw him, thought he was so beautiful and was flooded with happiness that he was here. I was able to hold him then and the events of the morning melted away. I have to be completely honest, I'm still disappointed the epidural didn't work, and probably always will be a little bit, but at least everyone was well and there weren't any emergencies.
The next couple of days in the hospital were less stressful than the scary first few as a first-time parent. Our nursing staff was excellent and we had plenty of visitors to keep us company. I had moments of feeling like maybe I was in more pain after this second section and spent the first day and a half wondering if I'd ever be able to get out of bed again, but I was up and walking the halls by the second day of recovery. The nurses took Toby to the nursery at night so I could get some uninterrupted sleep for a couple of nights, but I was thankful to get discharged and back to the comforts of home.
Nursing was going very similarly to how it went with Flynn with some latching challenges, but I wasn't stressed about them like I had been before. If using a nipple shield meant Toby could nurse successfully, then I decided I'd have no issue using it, even if it did add an extra layer of complication. We've been using it all along, and it can be tedious at times, but we are nursing almost exclusively, without having to juggle making bottles and crazy pumping schedules, so Toby's care has felt much more streamlined, less stressful. Three and a half months in and I'm finally getting off the couch more
often, for longer periods, to be able to play with Flynn or do some
chores. The first couple of months I was barely able to get up to go to
the bathroom as Toby's nursing schedule was constant. While I did have
some moments of frustration at feeling pretty useless at being able to do anything but nurse, it was great practice in learning how to put less important things aside and relish the bonding time.
We changed pediatricians before Flynn was 6 months old and I wish so much we had found Dr. Bill (our current pediatrician) first. His relaxed demeanor and readiness to look at each child as a whole, rather than just some number on a chart, has made a world of difference in our early months with Toby. Toby, like Flynn, is small and a slow weight gainer. He lost 10% of his body weight at the hospital and we were right on the verge of having to introduce some supplementation, but Dr. Bill let us ride the fence and together we watched Toby carefully to make sure he at least maintained weight. It took him a little bit longer than the preferred 2-week post-delivery bounce back, but sure enough he got back to his birth weight and has been gaining consistently since. He's lower on the growth chart (but at least on it), has a blocked right tear duct we are working through, and signs of torticollis we do exercises for, but otherwise meeting all of his milestones, healthy, and happy.
Time flies so fast, everyone says that, but it's hard to imagine what that means until you experience it first hand. Toby is already almost 4 months old, I feel like he just joined us yesterday. I'm blessed to have been able to take 2 additional months of maternity leave, but what felt like such a long time at first is already more than half over and my return to work is looming on the horizon. I love my job, I just love being able to be with my boys more. This extra time has given me the chance to watch more of Toby's developments that I missed with Flynn. He smiles often and so easily, is starting to laugh and test his voice. He's learning to hold a rattle, starting to roll on his side, and even fell over to his back out of tummy time on his own. Every day he's growing, I'm thrilled to be able to watch so much of it.
We are truly fortunate in our lives. Clif and I are living so many of our dreams and we get to do it with two absolutely amazing boys. Flynn loves Toby, it's a joy to watch him hug, kiss, and talk about his little brother. I know they will have plenty of challenging times ahead, but they will also have so much love. As I write this, with my sweet little baby sleeping in my lap, I wonder how we have been so blessed.
