April and May were not the kindest months for us and so far June is not shaping up to be much better (though I'm stubbornly hopeful for a turnaround). It all started with a bank of upper kitchen cabinets coming away from the wall......
Obviously, a fairly concerning safety hazard that needed to be repaired sooner rather than later. We emptied the cabinets, their contents relocating to various surfaces around the dinning and living rooms, while we decided what to do. We started with thinking we could just have them fixed, but learned that their basic construction was not done correctly and a fix would have to include some creative Macguyvering to work. While that would have been the cheapest option available, it wasn't ideal and may have only bought us a bit more time. We started to consider what it would cost to replace the cabinets correctly, which then became a discussion involving dreams we had to fix several issues in our kitchen. Hey, if we were going to have someone come give us an opinion and estimate, we might as well ask them about our other wishes.
Soon we realized it didn't seem logical or effective to try to match one set of cabinets to the rest, and the other wishes we had were really bigger problems than we'd let ourselves realize. We had to rip out a pantry to be able to move our fridge to make room for an upstairs laundry unit. That meant all of our pantry items took up every upper cabinet we had, one of which only opened half way into the stove hood and was incredibly difficult to use, much less effectively. Pantry items in the cabinets meant dish wear needed a home, so we bought an open shelving unit that worked wonderfully until we had Flynn and realized there was no way to baby-proof our kitchen, so his living space in our house became drastically reduced. All of these issues snowballed into one terrifying decision: we were going to gut and redo the entire kitchen.
I admit, I had a hard time with the decision at first, it would be the second largest purchase I'd ever made in my life, second to the house. It was nerve wracking, but I knew we were making a good decision for the right reasons and the way we lived in our house would change for the better. I realize that sounds a little bit silly and drastic, but it's true. We never could have dreamed what we would find once the demo started, though, nor could we have anticipated the pile of other frustrations and heart-aches that came on the heels of this choice. Deciding to do something about those upper cabinets felt like pulling the pin on a grenade.
Kitchen demo revealed:
- horribly wrong and unsafe wiring (bundles stripped and taped together without junction boxes in several locations, including the wall behind the sink and dishwasher).
- stove vent hood venting into the ceiling, where it singed the wood framing and melted insulation and wiring. We were unknowingly holding our breath until the house caught fire.
- 4-6 inches of 5 different styles of flooring, including carpet and a second sub-floor, that had to be removed with an industrial crow bar, purchased on the spot because the usual tools weren't cutting it. This was a safety choice as with that much floor there were step-up thresholds in both doors to the kitchen that almost everyone tripped over, I was always worried someone would really hurt themselves.
- one corner of the ceiling was held up by nothing but the mechanic of being propped on top of the joining corners of drywall.
- the extra couple of inches we thought we could get out of the ceiling height turned into many when we learned the construction was designed for the ceiling to have a vault. Cabinet order needed to be stopped and corrected.
Kitchen rebuilding:
- electrician was delayed and had to complete electrical clean-up and rewiring in 2-3 days over the course of the week. The first day was clean up that knocked out power to our outside dining room wall that was housing our temporary kitchen (microwave, toaster oven, etc.), so we were without our full kitchen as well as the temporary for a week.
- drywall finishers were delayed several days.
- cabinets were delayed and had to be reordered (see ceiling surprise in demo reveal).
- new appliance delivery date pushed back 3 times over the course of a week.
- quick, unprepared-for work in the basement resulted in angering of tenants and over a week's worth of egg-shell walking and apologies to try to smooth things over.
- half of new floor installed only to find some of the boxes have tiles that are different sizes. Floor is ripped up and boxes returned for new ones. Second install reveals that the issue was not those 4 boxes of tile but that the manufacturer is lousy and can't make uniform tiles to save their lives. 5 different sizes of tile are installed carefully with great intent to try to accommodate for and make up size variances.
- extra cost decisions were made under the guise that this kitchen has to be safe, it has to be right, and we might as well get what we want because we will NOT be doing this again.
- trouble getting the electrician and painters back in to finish work, delay project at least another week.
- 2 week projected project snowballs into at least 8 weeks without a kitchen, life upended, possibly counting depending on how the next week goes.
At the end of the day we really love our contractors and they are doing great work. No one could have anticipated the issues we've had up to this point, they are trying to do the best they can with what they discover and the end product will be so worth all the upheaval and frustration.
In the meantime...
- discovered second round of gestational diabetes, on top of already existing pregnancy restrictions, making eating right incredibly difficult. Not to mention stressful, which isn't great for managing high blood pressure.
- new-as-of-February water heater craps out 3 times, resulting in two separate weeks without hot water and an epic battle to try to get it permanently and properly fixed.
- 2 friends have passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly in April and May.
- at least 2 friends are fighting cancer.
- 2 arrests are made on our street, one for "inappropriate relations with a minor while in supervisory role" (this is a neighbor across the street and personal acquaintance of Clif from years ago), the other a drug dealer who notoriously uses our street for his escape path.
- high frustrations and tensions lead to strain in a variety of personal relationships and result in the need for apologies, clean ups, and damage control because our patience and Ability To Deal is wearing thin and unintentionally leaking into other aspects of our lives.
- buy new ties for car on a Friday, Saturday the transmission gives out resulting in a HUGE amount of money to be paid for fixing. Opt for a re manufactured transmission with warranty which comes in and installed with a leak. Leak fixed but still making noise so car stays another week for a second transmission to be ordered and shipped. Depriving parents of one of their vehicles for just over 2 weeks, which is usually no pressure, except they are having car trouble of their own.
- questionable substance issues swiftly leads to us being blind sided and surprised at landing in a position where we need to pull together more money to fix up our basement apartment to be rented to a new tenant. Hurt, anger, and some bitterness is involved. Plans for an extended maternity leave and reduced stress first year with two children in jeopardy if we don't make it happen.
I haven't been keeping a running tally, like I meant to, of the issues we have been struggling through the past two months, so I'm sure I've forgotten something in the midst of everything else, but I think you get the gist.
I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads, that our house isn't under water, that we have the ability to make these changes in our home (even if that ability comes with a bit of discomfort), and that even through it all we live a fortunate life. These things I remind myself. Every. Singe. Day.
Despite our blessings, I'm still human and flawed. I'm stressed, frustrated, sad, hurt, feeling judged and looked down on, too scared to ask for help for fear of behind-back whisperings and shaking of heads at the situation we got ourselves into. This has been hard, for Clif who has to live through this construction zone while taking care of Flynn, and for me who just doesn't usually deal well with stress and is trying to take care of everyone else. We are doing the best we can, but we are having a hard time. I feel like I'm on the edge of complete and utter panic and not sure how to keep from falling over. We are making the best choices we can and trying to do what's right for our family, but I'm struggling. I'm uncertain. I'm second-guessing and then second-guessing my second-guessing.
Just looking for the silver lining, hope it's around here somewhere.
