Flynn had his two-month doctor's appointment yesterday. Two months! Where on earth has the time gone? Mostly to sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches, complicated and often messy nursing sessions, changes of astoundingly impressive dirty diapers and snuggles. Lots of snuggles. Have you seen his face? It's pretty hard to resist.
Unfortunately for the second time now we are faced with significant concern about his weight from his pediatrician. The first cause for concern was that he might not make it back up to his birth weight in the two-week time period they like to see. Now there is concern because his weight gain has slowed down considerably. At two months he weighs 8 lbs, 4 oz., which puts him in the 1 percentile, almost falling off the bottom of the weight chart. It's hard for me not to get caught up with the pediatrician's concerns. She is, after all, the professional in this field, not me, to a large extent I have to go with the information that is given and in the way it is presented. She was concerned and so was I.
Except, I keep trying to look at the big picture: Flynn seems to be happy, content, sleeping well, active and aware between naps, and, though slowly, gaining weight and length. He eats until he is full and/or passes out mid-meal. Many an effort has been made to keep him awake to eat for just a few extra minutes or to please, good heavens PLEASE nurse the other side so I don't have to go back to bed in misery to no avail. When this child is tired he sleeps, end of story. (Please note this is NOT a complaint over his lovely sleeping habits, just a statement of difficulty when it interferes with mealtime). The times he manages to stay awake through a full meal we've begun offering formula to supplement some extra calories, which he has been interested in for the sake of pacification as he mouths on the bottle nipple and spits most of the formula back out.
We've made another appointment with the lactation consultant to work on weaning him off using the nipple shield while nursing. That additional barrier is one thing that could be contributing to him not getting the best milk he can get from me. We introduced the shield because initially he would nurse on one side and refuse the other. For a brief time he would nurse with and without until he decided he preferred with and so started refusing to nurse without it. Now he's gotten so lazy about the whole affair he can hardly be bothered to fully open his mouth to latch and when I make an offering without the shield he screams as if I has offended his every sensibility. This needs to be fixed. We are also hoping to brainstorm ways we can increase his calorie intake from me. Our last appointment with this consultant was very positive and I'm eager for more progress after meeting with her next week.
In the meantime we have settled into a fairly decent routine that seems to be working out quite well for all three of us. I've even gone from fear that I will never again see the light of day outside the walls of our house to feeling pretty comfortable traveling with Flynn locally for quick errands or on longer trips that involve strategic stops for nursing on the road (which is, unfortunately, less appealing and more complicated thanks to his stubborn shield preference). I call it progress!
Mammary mayhem aside things are pretty great. He is in this in-between stage where he will spend a good chunk of time awake during the day but lacks the interest and coordination to play with any of the toys, rattles or stuffed animals we offer him. I struggle with not wanting him to just sit and stare, yet he is more than happy to do just that. He has started smiling intentionally, mostly when he is about to fill his diaper or those sacred moments of the perfect trifecta of being full, well-rested and clean. His coos sound more conversational and he makes me smile so hard I feel like my cheeks will burst from the effort. Every gummy grin that takes up his entire face brings me nearly to tears and my heart is full. Each time he looks at me with obvious happiness it makes every moment of frustration (of which there have been thankfully few), uncertainty and worry melt away. The challenging steps are so worth it when he smiles and his eyes sparkle.
Most of our days are pretty much the same and as uneventful as the day before but I'm glad for that, it makes his little progressions that much more wonderful when he surprises us with them. During a very difficult end-of-pregnancy we joked that my having so many problems must mean that he would turn out to be a perfect baby. So far he has been pretty close to ideal and I know we are so lucky.
Flynn may be small, maybe even concerningly so, but to us he's perfect. The weight will come.
